I look out into the constellations
There, a myriad of heroes fabricated to provide hope
Disillusion provided by the souls of fake martyrs
I watch the birth of a star
Beautiful in its innocence
The guiding light for us to follow
But we had our own agenda
An immigration of darkness choked the light
Leaking black oil with its lies
The mire of innocence set free by The Apple
And it was Sin that opened our eyes
Millennia passed, crowns turned to ash
The problem remained the same
It is love that fills the void
Yet the treasure we seek has already been claimed
The elements cry out
The air gasps for breath
The light of the star grows dim
A multitude of prophets dream in the night
And are granted a vision of Him
The formidable woes
The agony throes
The enslaved come crashing down
A burden we hope will fuel the flames
Yet in its depths we drown
And in the End
When Wrong is Right again
We stand up from the Fall
The Despondent Truth is this, my love
The Darkness is inside us all
As i sit here and look out the window, I see the outside world, with which i feel disconnected. I am a spectator to these busy students and teachers. As I watch people below scurry to their next class, I wonder what life is all about. Is their an ultimate goal to it all? What is the purpose of being here besides 'living'? Sometimes I find myself thinking about life in general and I ask myself, Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to live?... Today's society is so harsh, war and crime are everywhere. Am I the only one that sees things this way? Their are so many questions to life's story that i long to get the answer to. Who can answer these questions? No one. I have always been told that I would have to figure it out on my own, well to me that means that there is no definate answer. Everyone must have their own idea of what life means. Why am I the exeption? Why m I left clueless to the supreme purpose? I really dont know and I probably never will. I just hope that one day I might have a revelation and truly understand what it means to live.
Outside the window is a flagpole with the U.S. flag blowing in the wind. It causes images to run through my head and I hate what had to be done for that flag to wave. Many wars have raged and many millions of people have died over 'freedom'. Then I ask, what exactly is freedom? From what I understand it is the ability to do/say what you want. Are we really allowed to do/say anything we want? Yes to a certain extint. We are controlled by what is known as a government. A set of 'higher standard' individuals who choose what they think is right for the other millions of people in the U.S. The people of America have no say in things. We have no choice but to follow our 'leaders', just like a herd of caddle. I mean, don't get me wrong, sometimes they do make good decisions that help all of us but they make bad ones just as often. So freedom? yeah, we got it. Is it truly freedom? No. There are limits to everything. Rules and regulations must be followed, licenses must be earned, and taxes must be paid... Freedom is a great thing. This 'democracy' we have is a variant of what is known as freedom. I guess this is just another thing that I'll have to live with.
As I peer out the window into the adjacent building, I see a couple holding hands as they walk towards me. I can tell that they 'Love eaher other. Love... I've experienced love before. The crush, nervousness, shyness towards one another. Love is a beautiful thing... but their are two sides to that coin... Love is full of lies and deceit. I have experienced these as well. The heartache, the tears, the hurt... but in the end, love always prevails. Love can save a person from death but could cause suicide. Love is the most powerful force on Earth. It should be handled with care. It shouldn't be used lightly. It's meant as a serioius thing. Do you know what it is to love someone? I trust that you do...
So many things could be taken from just looking out of your window and understanding whats around you. This window means a lot to me because it describes life. Maybe you could find the answer to the questions in your head by peering out of your window.. Try it. You never know, what you might find..
Thanks. Please tell me what you think.
As James held the gun to his temple, he began to shake violently. Sweat rolled down his face and a tear began to form in his eye. As he closed his eyes to pull the trigger his life began to rewind itself. These are the tales of a ordinary man pushed to his limits.
James had a great family who always supported him through thick and thin. James and his father had a very close relationship and James always knew he could go to him for anything. Over the past few years James had gone to his father quite frequently about his problems with his now ex-wife and bills. James' father always reassured him that he would be quite alright and to not worry so much about it. He would always make James feel better.
As James held his eyes closed picturing images of his father, he began to cry heavily and gripped the gun until his hands were white. James' father had died 6 months earlier due to heart attack and this hit James' hard. James opened his eyes and walked over to his dresser. On top of this dresser he had a picture of his father. James picked it up and asked his father to forgive him repeatedly. As he put the picture frame down, he closed his eyes and stood straight with the gun firm to his head.
The day his wife gave birth to his baby boy, James couldn't be happier. He had the most precious thing in the world right in his arms. They called him James the Third. James was the family name. As the baby uttered its first cries, James looked at his wife, smiled and said, "Look at his eyes. He has your eyes. They are beautiful".
James hadn't seen his son in 4 years due to the divorce. Cindy, his ex-wife, got custody of the child and James could see him on the weekends. Cindy had moved to Florida 4 years ago and took her son with her. James still loved Cindy, but things just didn't work out. James held his eyes closed as he shook those images from his head.
James, keeping the gun to his head, got on his knees and prayed to God. He asked God this, "Why are things so bad? Why must things be this way? What have I done so wrong to deserve this?" Suddenly James felt that he wasn't alone and a strange sensation came over him as he felt a hand touch his shoulder. As he spun around to see who it was, he was shocked. No one was there. He looked down at the gun and quickly dropped it. He ran outside and fell to the ground, thanking God for saving his life. James went to church the following Sunday and Claimed his spot in the Book of Life.
-5 years later-
James sat on his front porch, not too far from where he had once collapsed and prayed to God, thinking about his past. He told himself that God has a plan for us all. There is a reason for everything that we go through and God will see you through your hardships. James was now a devout Christian. He attended church every Sunday and every Wednesday. God is good.
You know, God is good. The above story was completely made up from my mind about the power of God.
I have been through a lot in my short time here, and I have had my times where I have said that I wanted to kill myself. I am not ashamed of my past and I can proudly say that those thoughts are gone. I am happy, and content with my life right now. Things are getting better all around in my life, albeit the few things that still need work.
The point is this- Whether you believe in God or not, suicide is never an option. You may think that no one will miss you, or that you being gone won't affect anyone. These are all lies.
There is always at least that one person who would be crushed if something like that were to happen to you. Please think about the actions that you commit. Don't rush to anything. Talk to a friend, a parent, a mentor about things in your life. let your problems go.
I dont know where the inspiration to write this came from, but I felt lead to do it. It probably contains spelling or other errors, but that wasn't the point of this. Please do not correct it in the comments below. If you feel the need to share your story, please do so below in the comments. If you need someone to talk to, I am here. My number is in the info section of my profile page. Please, take care of yourself. Thank you for reading.
So, before I get into this writing I would like to explain my inspiration and such. I got the idea from a song called Listen To The Rain by Evanescense. I love it. So, everyone gets different feelings when they listen to the rain; ranging from depression to sleepiness and happiness to dancing. It's just a personal kind of thing. In this writing, I will try and show you how the rain affects me in an indirect way. This will be down similar to my previous writing, 'The Shadow'. I hope you enjoy, Thank you.
Listening To The Rain
The drops of water fall from the heavens like a volley of arrows from some unseen foe. They fall freely and without prejudice. As their speed increases, they near their destinations. The rain falls upon ground, water, and people alike spreading chaos all around. As the rain slams onto roofs and cars, people panic and run for cover. All except him, the defiant youth.
He stands perfectly still and accepts his fate as the rain covers him, causing a flood of emotion to run through his body. Rain is an amazing and truly powerful force of nature. It affects us all mentally and physically. This boy... such a defiant youth... feels as close to the rain as his own mother. As he sits and lets the rain envelope him, he is taken back to all of the times before this. All of which were similar, All of which had this thing called rain in it. He spent many days under this motherly water, telling it his problems and feeling as if the rain listened, he would feel better about himself.
He is pulled back to his current state when he hears his biological mother calling for him to leave behind his best friend, his true partner and return to the place he was forced to call home. As he seperated himself from the rain, he went to his room; he changed and fell fast asleep. He dreamed of his longing to be with his friend, the rain. The only thing he felt comfortable talking to was his friend, the rain. As the thoughts sank in, he went into deep sleep.
He woke up the next morning to the tipper tappers on the roof. He smiled because he knew that his friend has waited for him to return. He rushed to his window and opened it. He threw a welcoming hand out the window and caught the rain in his hand. He loved the way it felt as it trickled like a waterfall out of his hand. He felt truly connected with it. What an amazing thing, he thought. He closed the window and walked to his kitchen for breakfast.
The rain passed and all the happiness was sucked from him. If only he could have seen his friend just a while longer... Now, he is forced to sit under the torture of the sun. It was so bright, he thought. Such an invader shoudn't be allowed. The sun, to this defiant youth, was the closest thing to Hell that he knew of. He refused to go outside in such conditions. People refer to him as a lazy individual; They are such fools.
He sits at his window and awaits the return of his friend, the rain. It never stays gone for too long, the rain.
Now that the real story part is over... let me go into my personal feelings toward the rain.
Usually I get excited when I hear about thunderstorms heading towards belton, which is where I live. I always love to hear the sound of thunder, because I know that rain won't be to far behind. I love the sound of rain hitting my tin roof. There is just something about it.. something that is just so peaceful...... I really enjoy it. I often sit on my front porch and watch it hit the leaves on the trees in the front yard and wonder how its possible for these drops of water to fall from a cloud. Its an amazing thing honestly. I love it.
Rain sends me on an emotional roller coaster. It makes me happy at first, then sad and depressed. I have spent a lot of good times in the rain. Good times that have long sense turned into painful memories. I still love the rain though.. Just hurts sometimes.
ANYWAY, I hope you enjoyed this writing. It was a little bit unplanned and random... but it'll do. I look forward to seeing your comments
Earlier today, I was sitting outside in the heat and just gazed down at the ground. I noticed how dead all of the grass is around me and it really reminded me of a lot of things that I go through.
As the heat raises and the rain stays gone, the grass is dieing and turning brown. I look at all of this brown earth around me and it reminds me of the human aspect of a very similiar situation. Without our necessary needs, we all die inside. Slowly, but surely when we are starved of affection, attention, and excitement we all start to die inside. We feel as if the world has forgotten about us and our thoughts act as a catalyst to this slow decomposition.
Much like grass, all we need is a little water and we can start growing again. It's been a long time since I've had any of the necessary things to keep my mind healthy. It shows in everything I do. The things I say are all reflective of how I am feeling due to the lack of the things I need in my life. I'm starved of the things that I am so used to having and I'm slowly dying inside. However there is one thing that we can do that grass cannot. We can make our own decisions, and we can change our destiny.
Unlike grass, we are not rooted to where we are. We all have that ability to adapt and change to accept our surroundings. As the grass stays there turning brown and turning to dust, we can smile knowing that we get to change that. We get to accept whats happening to us and make it different. Albeit, its not easy to change things like this. We just have to take that step towards redemption and taking our lifes back and making ourselves happy mentally and physically.
We have to take that positive step towards the better. The small things in life help this process along. We can only hope that we can survive long enough to get those things that we love so much back in our life. It all comes in small amounts, until finally. You have it. Your nutrition of those things we all need. Affection, attention, and excitement will all come to you just when you think it doesn't exist.
For now, just stay strong and take what you can and turn it into positive energy. We are not dead, and we won't be for a long time to come. The grass may die, but it will regrow and spread all over the place. We will too.
Thank you for reading! This is the first time I've wrote in a long long long time, so its probably a little rough. I hope you enjoyed it though. I am working on another one, right after I click publish!
Due to popular demand... here is the sequal to The Shadow. Enjoy!
The Shadow: Nightmare
Previously: I hold my eyes shut and try to push the intruder as far away as I can. The darkness is all around me, I am stuck in its grasp. Forever, I am held by it. Forever I am in fear of the dark figure.
As the silence fell, I hid my head under the cover hoping to quickly fall asleep. Eventually, I fell asleep and drifted into another world; The dream world. I found peace in this world of mine, it was away from the horrible darkness. It was full of light and green grass as far as the eye could see. Usually, I just sat underneath a big oak tree in the shade and watched the animals graze. As I watched a nearby deer eat some tall grass, I started to think about the night I had just experienced. I couldn’t get the dark figure from my thoughts but, he couldn’t get me here; or so I had thought.
I felt a shiver go up my spine as if I was being touched softly on my arm. It was a weird sensation. I just disregarded it as the wind. I turned my attention back towards the deer, but it was gone. Never before had the deer ran away from me. Something scared it off, but what could it be? To investigate, I stood up and looked around. There was nothing out of the ordinary out in the grass. I turned around and looked behind me and there was nothing there. I shrugged, and turned to sit back down. As I turned around, I see nothing but desolate flatlands of rocks and bone.
I stumbled around in horror at the sight before me. I turned around and the tree that was so full of life and that once offered shade is now nothing but a dead waste of space. I didn’t know what to do, where did it all go? All I knew to do was run and I ran until I couldn’t run anymore. I was surrounded by bones and the never ending dirt. All of the sudden, I felt drained; As if someone was sucking the very being that I was away from me. I screamed, “WHERE AM I” and it echoed several times and everything stopped. I felt normal, but I was still surrounded by the horrible landscape.
As I stumbled around clumsily, I see the dark figure standing before me. All I could think about was how afraid I was. I fell to the ground and pleaded for reason, “Oh God, not here. How? What do you want?” The dark figure seemingly floated towards me. It slowly raised one hand out toward me and spoke in a language that I couldn’t comprehend. It was coming towards me so I turned and ran as fast as I could away from it. As I ran, I turned to look behind me and it wasn’t there, but then I ran into something horrible.
I was engulfed in darkness and couldn’t see a single light anywhere. I didn’t know where I was or If I was even dreaming anymore. I try to feel around in front of me and began to notice that the air felt thick. It was as if the air had turned to really thick black smoke. All I could hear was the wind blowing in steady blasts. I couldn’t figure out where I was and I couldn’t figure out if I was awake or dreaming. I hit myself on the leg to try and wake myself up, but It just hurt. All of a sudden, I hear laughter as loud as thunder and I then realize that I was inside the dark figure, I punched and pushed my way though the fog but it never ended, I couldn’t get out. I was trapped forever In this evil being, I was trapped forever? Trapped? No… No…. NOOOO!!!!!!!!
I woke up screaming and grabbing at nothing. As I seen the light from my bedroom windows, I realize that I must have had a horrible nightmare. I was sweating bullets and my bed was thrown askew. The sheets were on the floor and I couldn’t believe what had happened. I stood up looked around the room and was pleased to see the sun rising. I turned to walk out of my room, but I saw something in the corner of my room in the shadows behind my closet door. I pushed it away as just a shadow and walked out. The dark figure stepped out of the shadow and disappeared.
Home to my personal sorrows, the Shadows send shivers up my spine. There is just something about the darkness that unsettles my nerves. As I sit here in the dark with nothing but a computer screen as a light, I wonder what lurks beyond this window that is unseen. Sometimes, I think I see a dark figure standing just out of the lights reach, waiting for something... something that I cannot comprehend. It stands there in a dead stare at something, could it be me? Often times, I grab a flashlight and shine it towards the dark figure, but nothing would be there. An empty spot where I swore something stood. What evil is waiting outside my stronghold? What could it want? This is the question that has no answer.
Sometimes, I hear noises that disturb the silence that company the shadows. Ever so slightly, do the leaves crunch under light footsteps as I walk out and search for the source to such an odd noise. As I approach, I shine my light quickly over a large area. What I find shocks me at first. I see two orbs pointed directly at me, two eyes from an unknown stranger. Without warning, the eyes disappear. Gone just as quickly as they appeared, I turn and walk with renewed determination to hide within my stronghold. The darkness unsettles me.
The dark figure, that I am so afraid of, returns to me every night. It waits just beyond my lights reach, so still. I must turn my gaze away from it, in fear that it might do something new. I close my curtains, and watch the edge of darkness grow closer to the place that I call home. As the darkness closes in, I feel as if it is calling for me. In complete fear, I turn and run out of the room and to my bedroom. I hold my eyes shut and try to push the intruder as far away as I can. The darkness is all around me, I am stuck in its grasp. Forever, I am held by it. Forever I am in fear of the dark figure.
I hope you enjoyed this as much as i did. It was extremely fun writing this, It came from no where.
Yesterday afternoon I was taking a long shower to try and relax from the fatigue I was suffering from due to an unknown illness that (knock on wood) has gone away and was thinking about my current job as a computer tech at the local Office Depot and how much I actually enjoyed working with people and troubleshooting computer issues and it brought back my interest in programming and just the digital world in general. This is why tomorrow, as soon as possible, I’m going to the local EKU branch and discussing the possibility of going back to school now that I’ve matured even more and know what I for sure want to do with my career.
Truth be told I miss going to classes. I miss the sense of being a college student. I miss the people that are on campus. I miss the free food. The free swag. Making new friends. Meeting new people. The sense of actually doing something worthwhile.
This time around I will have no distractions or friends that put me down and make me feel like I’m worthless. I’ll have good friends as fellow classmates. I won’t have to worry about pleasing anybody because I’ve figured it out…2 years too late, but, it’s not about what other people think of me. It’s about what I want to do. It’s about my passions, dreams, and desires. The only pressure I should feel is pressure on myself to do the best that I can for myself. I will choose to do homework the same night it’s assigned instead of putting it off to go out somewhere. I will hang out with my friends after studying, not during. This is MY life.
If I can offer any advice to any potential college students reading this it would be this:
“Do what YOU want to do with YOUR life.”
Greetings everyone! I would like to take this time to give all of you a short overview of who I am and where I came from. Hopefully this will give you better idea of my personality and character when you see my posts on the message board while also giving my opinion about contests etc in future blog posts.
I was born during the worst ice storm to hit this state on December 26th, 1989 and raised here in the Central Kentucky region. I grew up in the countrysides where the grass was always green and the knobs dominated the skyline. At night, stars would be as bright as fireflys and the crickets chirped a song to soothe you to sleep. I grew up in a divided house when my parents divorced my Freshman year of High School in 2004 which coincidentally is the same year I joined Boyle County's Marching Band. I joined the marching band because they had won the Class 1A State Championship for 3 years in a row and, being a member of band since my 5th grade year, I loved the idea of competing. If marching band wasn't competitive then I would probably have never joined and got in with a really bad crowd of hoodlums. The only thing that kept me back from joining my 7th grade year was my self-esteem was really low about my playing abilities and I didn't want to ruin their chances at another title because I "sucked" too bad.
My first year of marching band was a swift kick in the mouth, so to speak. I never expected all the hard work and dedication it took to get at the level that they were at before I joined. I thought multiple of times about quitting but was talked out of it each time by my father.
It shall be interesting to see how the top dogs change through out the season. And maybe, if we're lucky, there will be some new ones. Instead of the same monotonous order the whole time. We shall see though.
These have been the first few times I've signed on since the changes. I really like the new changes. This blog is a great idea.
I've been looking at the scores from the last few weeks of the Drum Corps season and if the scores hold up they way they are trending the Blue Devils are on their way to winning another title with Bluecoats and Crown fighting for second. The next few weeks will give a better idea on how close the corps are to each other since the major corps will meet up more at the larger regional events. Though I am a big Phantom Regiment fan I wouldn't mind seeing Crown win one this year. I remember watching them at Quarterfinals last year and being really impressed with them. It will be an interesting last month of the season.
Marching band in Kentucky is starting up as some bands started camp this week and many others starting this coming week. One of the questions I have going into the season is will someone else in the two big classes (4A and 5A)step up and beat Madisonville and PLD or Lafayette? Another is can a Kentucky band make Grand National finals outright this year? We shall see on both questions.
There has been something that I've been confused about. Why has some major names in KY marching band going though directors like crazy. GRC has a new director and John Hardin the same way. Is it the job or what is it. It would seem that really good band programs could keep directors for more than one or two years.I will say this about this year director changes though, there have been several good, young directors are getting their shot to direct their own band. I hope this trend continues as more jobs (assistants and head) open up because their are a lot of good music ed graduates looking to get a foot in the door to start their careers as directors.
That's all for now. In my next post, I'll present my preseason Top 5 for each class and the reasons why I ranked them like I did. Also I'll update my views on on the Drum Corps season as they head through the last part of the season.
As you can tell, our board was just recently updated with new software that is loaded with new features and a custom new look. Here is what's new to our community:
Customizable profiles, including background options
User reputation system for posts
Customizable blogs - Personal, Private, or imported.
Some of these new features are outlined here: IP Board: What's new. There are several options for our community that have not been configured as of yet, such as Facebook connect and Twitter connect, but we do have the option for our users to sync their profiles from these two sites directly with this site so that information can be shared, etc. I hope to have these up and running soon!
All members can now create their own blogs, public or private, and customize settings. The new "Blog This" feature also allows blogs to be created easily from topics on Kymarching.net. Please remember that defamatory or pornographic blogs can and will be removed from this site. An outline of the new blog features can be found here: IP Blog
Also new to the forum community is the IP Board IPhone Application. This application allows you to connect to this forum as well as have the option to receive mobile notifications, which are available in your profile settings after you login to this site via the application on your phone. I still have not gotten my mobile notifications to work correctly, so this is definitely an application in process and will most likely be going through updates in the future. The features can be found here: IPB for IPhone. This app can be downloaded from the ITunes store for free. For Droid users, IPB reportedly has an application in development.
Have fun exploring the new features! As I add and tweak new features, I will update you accordingly via this blog.
So, our newly updated board software apparently allows users the option of creating a blog through the message board itself. At the moment I'm simply playing around and trying to see how this thing works, but it might perhaps be a good place to put my occasional musings on the activity in our Commonwealth. I'm given to understand that Livejournal is dead as a doornail, so perhaps this can serve as a replacement?